fear to gain weight

Reader’s Mail: Obsessive Behavior and Fear to Gain Weight

Joey (34) tries to live a healthy lifestyle, but gets stuck in obsessive behavior and fear to gain weight.  She wrote me an e-mail with a cry for help.

I occasionally get emails that I feel I shouldn’t keep to myself. Because I believe that we can support each other, lift each other up and motivate each other. because I want to show you that you you don’t stand alone in your issues and concerns.

the fear that I will become too fat, with all the negative effects of it, will never completely go away

As such, I got an email from reader Joey (a 34-year-old woman with two small children, name is fictitious due to privacy reasons). She read my article “How to train your fat percentage as low as possible?“. In this article, I mentioned that I was sucked deeper and deeper into my ‘healthy lifestyle’, which could therefore no longer be called healthy. Her response to this article was as follows:

“I wanted to tell you that this is very familiar to me. Initially I ended this a long time ago, but the fear that I will become too fat, with all the negative effects of it, will never completely go away. “

“For me it’s stable for a while, just healthy, nothing exeggarated; just relaxed. Then I fall back into obsessive behavior, which is reflected in not wanting to lose control over my food-intake and getting addicted to sports.”

I feel like I’ve slid into a deep valley, the one that I had just crawled out of.

“After such an obsessive period always follows a paralyzing period, in which I don’t eat healthy anymore at all. I feel like I’ve slid into a deep valley, the one that I had just crawled out of. A giant mountain in front of me. At such a moment I find it difficult to oversee things. So I just lie there underneath that mountain and I wait. I stop working out, eating healthy and lose structure. “

Keeping out of the valley

I find it very sad to read that this woman is clearly lost, although she tries hard to do good. In a future article I will elaborate my response to her e-mail with you. Herein I offer her practical tips to get- and stay out of her deep valley.

Do you have tips for Joey?

For now I would like to ask you: do you recognize yourself in Joey’s email? How did you get out of this valley? How did you keep out?

It would be nice if we could help and support each other. I have my tips and vision, of course, but there are more roads that lead to Rome. Plus, I also would like to hear someone else talking but myself 😉

Thanks in advance for your response!


– Update – In this article you can read my tips to Joey plus reader’s tips.


Image: Amanda Richards/Flickr CC

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About Angela

Hey! I'm Angela; a 30-something mommy and a now REAL #fitchick, digi nerd, photo & film shooter hobbyist, MSc specialized in Health Education, marketingspecialist and an international fashion model for 20 years. I've worked for eg. Viktor & Rolf, Nivea, Escada, Elle, Vogue and Glamour. I write about everything that I find worth sharing. Go ahead an take a look around. Don't hesitate to share your thought sor opinions. Enjoy!


  1. Hello, Joey!
    I hoop that you are stronger now.
    My tips are:
    1.Step by step – do not force your self.
    2. Going to psychologist-it always helps.
    3.Yoga and meditations.
    I wish you good luck, Vanya

  2. Ik herken dit in zekere mate maar al te goed. Ik zit al een langere tijd in een dip door persoonlijke omstandigheden waardoor ik veel minder gezond leef dan ik al een hele lange periode deed. Daardoor voel ik me nog slechter over mezelf, mijn huid is vreselijk en zit gewoon niet lekker in mijn vel. Terwijl als ik weer af ga vallen ik me goed voel, en er bijna in doorsla. Nou had ik een hele goede balans gevonden en in één klap valt het ineens weg. Mijn tip voor de briefschrijfster zou denk ik zijn om er met een professional over te praten. Als ze er zo onder lijdt en een nare relatie met sport & voeding ontwikkelt, dan lijkt dat me enigszins verstandig.

    Bang om dik te worden/zijn is bij mij er met de paplepel ingegoten trouwens. Heb daar ooit een artikel over geschreven (bang om dik te worden). Mijn moeder heeft me vanaf jonge leeftijd al verteld dat ik dik zou worden waardoor ik als kind een vervelende relatie met eten ontwikkelde.
    Anouk recently posted…10 x je zenuwen de baasMy Profile

  3. There is so much pressure on us to live a healthy lifestyle ,but healthy does not mean the same for everyone.
    .Not every person has to be a top athlete or a model ,other people have other purposes in life .Things like friendship ,love ,creativity,relaxation ,spending time in nature ,having fun ,pleasure. is also healthy ! When we are constantly training and obsessing over what we put in our mouths there is no space for the other things which make us happy ,vibrant and fun people to be around.Now of course moving our bodies and giving ourselves healthy food is wonderful ,but it is just a part of life ,not the reason we are here.
    We don’thave to diet and punish our bodies because we believe they are not good enough; that in itself creates obsession as we will never feel safe and satisfied with who we are if we give in to those thoughts. Self care is knowing your own specific needs and nourshing your body ,mind and soul with the things that makes you happy and healthy in our own way.Besides over training and restricting is exhausting so no wonder it is not a sustainable lifestye ,the body will scream for food an rest and the valleys could just be a natural consequence of a physical burnout which of course feels terrible also mentally and emotionally.Also all that control ,structure,counting calories,kilometers ,kilograms….it is such a masculine way of treating our bodies.Men thrive on it ,but women DONT it goes against our nature,so of course it feels miserable.Lots of women are breaking free from this body jail though : )

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